So, I have been a hermit the past week. I weighed in last week, and my weight was up 2.2 pounds. Now, I knew it was because of my period., but still, I beat myself up badly over the weight gain. I had been soooooo good that week, and Aunt Flo really got me. I have serious female problems, and honestly, I have not had a period like this one since I was in high school. The bloating, the cramps. I think my husband was ready to divorce me, my PMS was that bad.
So, I withdrew from everything and everyone. I'm sorry I haven't updated.
So, my weight was in the 150's this week. ( 158. 6 ) If you go from what I was for the monthly weigh in, I have lost 2.6 pounds. Since I gained last week, I have lost over the last 2 weeks 4.8 pounds. Does that make sense? I hope so!
So, The question of the week is :
What is your REAL reason or purpose is for losing weight?
Well, for me it honestly isn't about fitting into a pair of skinny jeans, although taht is a great reward! I was and am tired of being tired. Huffing up and down the stairs, not being able to keep up with my kids.
I remember my MIL asking me for a recent picture of me with one of our children. I looked through all my albums online and around the house, and couldn't find ONE picture of me with any of my children. How sad is that? I hid behind the camera, and used that dang camera as my crutch. I saw a commercial not long after that about a woman who noticed she wasn't in any of the family's vacation pictures because she was ashamed of her weight, and realized that she was erasing herself from her childrens memories. I cried like a baby. That was me.
I was, and have been so uphappy with me, and using food as my emotional fallback. Food was something to look forward to, or as a substitute for human contact, or lack of contact. A " High" in a way.
I am learning , albeit slowly that happiness is depedant on me, and I can't rely on food to make it all better. I have to take the bull by the horn and demand that I am deserving of happiness, of good health and a healthy, not overweight, tired body. My kids deserve a Mom that can run outside, and smile when some one pulls out a camera. Not run and hide because she is ashamed of her outward appearance. I am truly working on my inner spirit as well as my physical body. So, I am doing both. I want my 4 girls to love their bodies, to have healthy habits. That can't do that if their own Mother can't. I HAVE to do this, I NEED to do this.
So, those are my reasons. :)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
ACK!
Posted by Christi at 3:45 PM
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4 comments:
Christi, I think those are great reasons to want to lose weight. You are a BEAUTIFUL person INSIDE and OUT....I truly hope that you will "get that" as you try and work on that inner spirit!
I totally agree, I am never an any pictures. I really liked reading your reason. Thanks.
Awesome Post Christi!
You are so right.
Great job losing this week. You should already be happy with yourself that you are already succeeding with this goal.
Way to go!
-Della
ok, so your post made me cry... You are such a great mom, to be "left out" of pictures by your own doing, I can see how that might translate into not years down the road your children wondering why you were never in any of them. To have to explain why will most likely not be a good enough reason for them. You are already beautiful Christi, I am so glad you are wanting to be in your kids "picture life" to document all the wonderful things you do with your kids, to catch the way you look at them with awe, with wonder, with love. They deserve to see that look, you deserve to see yourself and remember how you felt at that one moment in time. You may have had other reasons and motives for picking up the camera, but you are a wonderful photographer and I get seriously pissed off when you call yourself a "wanna be" photographer. You are so gifted as a photographer, a mother, a sister and a friend. I am really glad we are doing this together, I love you!
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